So I’m at the park and I’m really flippin’ hot, and the water from my trusty water bottle isn’t doing enough to rehydrate me. What’s a mouse to do? I decided that what I’d really love is a hand-squeezed lemonade. You know the kind–where they have the press in front of you and just stick in half a lemon, press it down, and add it to some sugar water and ice? I love those. LOVE!
Unfortunately, Disneyland doesn’t sell that.
Incidentally, I seriously want to get one of those squeezers for home use. We have the Lemon Tree That Ate Manhattan in our backyard and the number of lemons it produces for us is a little on the insane side. I love lemonade, but I hate doing all the squeezing in our little hand twisty juicer thing. But anyway.
So I’ve got a hankerin’ for lemonade at Disneyland, and I pass a bunch of ice cream carts offering Frozen Lemonade.
Also cotton candy
And then I pass this fruit-and-chip stand type thingie over by Casey Jr. (and the site of the dearly departed Fantasyland Skyway station *sniff*) and I see that they are offering “Frozen” Lemonade.
Just like that. With the quotes.
And a cast member singing YMCA
As a writer, I get rather twitchy when it comes to misused punctuation. Well, when it comes to misused apostophes, I get absolutely apoplectic. But quotes bug me too, and I’m thinking come on Disney, surely you’ve got an editor on staff there somewhere.
Quotes are, of course, used to note when someone is speaking (eg. So then Mickey Mouse said, “Shelby, why does misused punctuation bother you so much?” and I said, “Because it’s the ruination and downfall of our civil society, and also it’s not that hard.”), and quotes are also used to denote something similar to, but not really, but kinda close or at least trying to be (eg. Turkey “bacon”).
So assuming that Disneyland has an editor somewhere on the payroll, what exactly is it that makes “Frozen” Lemonade kind of frozen, but not quite frozen? I mean, it’s either frozen or it’s not, right? And then what’s the deal with non-quoted Frozen Lemonade available from the ice cream carts? How many variations on Frozen can we possibly have? And what is so special about “Frozen” Lemonade that makes it worth 19 cents more than Frozen Lemonade?
I did the only logical thing I could do in this situation. I decided to buy a “Frozen” Lemonade. Because while looking at the inordinately-priced chips, craisins, and bananas:
Who comes to Disneyland to buy Cheetos? Look, just buy yourself some popcorn and a churro and enjoy it.
I noticed a slushee-type machine in the background.
I’m so observant sometimes. Rarely.
And using my clever powers of deduction, I thought that “Frozen” Lemonade would be like a slushee lemonade, and Frozen Lemonade would be like that solid block of lemon-flavored ice you get in a cup that you have to chip away at with a plastic spoon when nothing short of an ice pick will do the job. I hate those, by the way, because I just don’t want to work that hard for my food.
Anyway, I was right.
Mine had a shot of raspberry, and it was actually really, really good. I may have to make this my beverage of choice to go with my salty popcorn if water isn’t doing it for me.
But also, if you read the sign closely, the “Frozen” Lemonade stand also sells “100% Frozen Apple” Juice and that, my dear Disney, is just incorrect. The treat you are serving there is not 100% frozen, nor is it likely made from 100% frozen apples. And if it’s “Apple,” then it’s not really apple, so what the hell is it? I think you’re going for “Frozen” 100% Apple Juice to accompany the “Frozen” Lemonade, but then that makes me wonder, the Lemonade didn’t specify that it was 100% Lemonade. Maybe it was some percentage of lemonade and some percentage of something else?
Disney, you need an editor.